I realised I haven’t written anything “deep” in a while. I was too concentrated in logging the medical updates, and watching all the movies and tv shows I brought left me with little time for deep self reflection.
So I was listening to a meditation track, and thought about the road that lead me to how I decided to do the Bone Marrow Transplant. Yes and one shouldn’t probably be thinking while meditating… just couldn’t help it.
As most medical procedures, nothing is really obligatory. The patient is provided with the doctor’s professional opinions, the statistics and probabilities of doing and not doing, what could happen after and the most important decision making in left in the hands of the fragile being.
On a mid September afternoon, there was something called a Family Conference organised for me (the BMT candidate) and family (my parents and cousins A & C). There (actually just outside the isolation room where I am now) we were shown a video which explained the process of how it’s done. I must say I felt the goal of the video was to scare people away from doing something so complicated, well that’s often the case when all facts are told. Is that why company presentations never present everything??
Then after the video session, we got to meet with the Professor in charged of the BMT ward. In the room I was told, if I do the BMT, I would have a 40-50% of complete remission (and live happily ever after), but there will also be a 40-50% chance of relapse! Of course these are only mathematical statistics generated by a pool of people like myself.
Even with a 99.9% safe Durex, someone gets pregnant once in a while! That was my theory, so by going through with the BMT, I have a higher chance of achieving the unachievable. No but seriously, I decided to go through with this only because I know I will feel better (for myself only of course) that I have done the most I could. No one knows if maybe nothing will happen even if I decide not to do the BMT. Let’s not go back to the circle now, I’ve already completed 70% of the last run.
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