GSJ

Seriously? I didn’t write anything this summer? You can be sure this one is gonna be long.

I remember writing 3 posts the past few months but I didn’t post them. I was writing the posts when I felt I wanted to express myself but by the time I had internet connection I thought they weren’t so important anymore.

I am again at the Queen Mary Hospital Private Clinic. I have a checkup today with Professor, 3 months after my last checkup and 3 days after my last MRI. I’ve been very well as most of you know, getting back to traveling and taking globetrotting even more seriously! Had a wonderful summer and have met amazing people. So I think all will be fine.

Now I think I can finally talk a little bit about what we discussed before… So what has changed? I said I wouldn’t know what has changed until something happens.

I paid a lot of attention to myself the past months and I can say I have definitely changed for the better, well at least for myself. I’ve become so much lighter, happier and carefree. I grew up in an environment with lots of “principles”, and now for the most part I only have 1 left for myself… Do not harm people! As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, I would do anything. Life is too short, Comfort zones are far too boring, Principles = Constraints. And at the end of the day nobody cares about your principles.

Carpe Diem, seize every moment, live the life, explore, be free and be SELFISH. Why were we taught that selfishness has a negative connotation? That’s wrong. Doing something “reasonable” you enjoy by being selfish makes you happy and thus sending out positive vibes that make people around you happy too! Trying NOT to be selfish means you’re doing something somebody else wants but you DON’T so you end up doing something you don’t enjoy and having a straight face or forcing yourself to put a fake smile on = Hurting yourself and the other person because s/he will feel it.

The world keeps changing, we have to be flexible to live on. Otherwise, we make ourselves obsolete and the world will “take you away” cos you don’t fit in anymore for this place. One can lead the world to change, but no one can stop the world from moving forward… and sometimes backward actually.

I’m 32. Year no. 31 was a halt, I was made to stop and look back… What have I done in the past 30 years? What made me happy and what made me sad; What did I do right and what could I have done better; What did I do I thought was wrong?? They might not be wrong if you could look at them from a different angle, you were wrong to think they were wrong and That’s what is WRONG. These experiences make you improve yourself… sometimes you keep doing the same thing you think is wrong and each time worse, that is part of life, maybe you’re chosen to be like that so other people can learn from you.

Whatever happens, there’s always a good side to it. Today and everyday I have left for the rest of this lifetime, I will not see this Lymphoma experience as “something bad that happened to me.” It changed me for the better, it relieved my stress, it made me a happier person, thus it made the people around me happier. I have nothing been treated better by strangers, I smile to them and they smile back. My vibes have never been better and more positive. If I think something would make me sad or angry, now I know how to be selfish and say no. Nothing is more important than keeping myself happy. I was too considerate and nice, thinking by compromising myself I would make other people happy… that was a lesson!!

So much for today!!

Love you all.